Why Alcohol And Low Sex Drive Are Common Bed Fellows
Aug 28, 2023Alcohol And Low Sex Drive
Intimacy with another human being can be an incredibly sensitive and powerful encounter. For individuals who struggle with alcohol addiction, the desire to dull some unpleasant feelings associated with sex, such as performance anxiety, worry, and self-doubt can be even higher.
When you quit drinking and stop using alcohol as a crutch, you're compelled to experience sex a bit more deeply and precisely. Including the amazing sensations and the negative side of lovemaking too.
" Sex has become a far more conscious process. Before, I would consume alcohol to develop the self-esteem to flirt with women, and then drink to make it through having sex.
Besides my one major relationship, I would typically only make love when I was drunk. So I wasn't really conscious of what I really enjoyed sexually, and frequently sex wasn't even an especially pleasurable encounter.", Seamus
Alcohol Lowers Self Confidence
From a clinical point of view, Professor Ray, an LA university professor whose area of study concentrates on the triggers and treatment of substance use problems, stated alcohol lowers self-consciousness. This may make individuals more likely to engage in unplanned sexual activity. However, the effect that liquor has on emotions of sexual stimulation has not been well-established.
" Her work on alcohol expectations indicates that men and women frequently expect booze to improve sexual encounters," she added. "The degree to which liquor really does so is not entirely clear."
We talked to abstinent males and females to discover how sex transformed for them after they quit drinking. Be that physically, on an emotional level or spiritually:
You feel more empowered to seek what you desire sexually. Plus you become more comfortable saying what you do not really want to do in the bedroom.
Sexual Empowerment
"Before sobriety, the only way I would ever risk making myself so vulnerable about lovemaking was if I was wasted. It was hard for me to feel comfortable in my own skin, especially my nude body. I had to be drunk with the phony self-confidence that comes with that.
It was hard for me to enjoy any form of sexual gratification without feeling ashamed except if I was intoxicated and near unconscious. It was difficult for me to say a real 'yes' or 'no' because I was intoxicated and everything was fuzzy and unclear. Because I was using alcohol, for this reason, I often said 'yes' when I meant 'no,' or 'no' when I really wished to say 'yes.'.
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Now, whatever I do is deliberate. I may regret saying 'yes' or 'no' to a partner but never ashamed because I made a conscious, clear-eyed choice. And rather than feeling numbed or getting false bravery, I experience all the aspects of sex: the good and the bad, the pleasant and the unpleasant.
These days my confidence emerges from inside me. Certainly not from a wine bottle.
To inform a sexual partner what I want in the bedroom? What I really desire?
The true courage that regularly enables me to own my desires and my feelings and my body." Kerry
The Beauty Of Sober Sex
"I'm still dealing with linking myself to lovemaking's bodily and emotional elements. Intimacy is difficult for me due to the fact that I frequently hid behind the veil of booze in previous relationships and even hookups. Now that booze is totally out of my life. I'm dealing with the fact that I find it terrifying to be psychologically intimate with a man.
Eye contact, pillow talk, even gentle teasing & flirting are more of a challenge than the physical act of lovemaking.", Tawny
You're much more in touch with your own body and enjoyment of sex.
"Sexual activity is a more metaphysical encounter. In the sense that I feel attached to it and understand what I desire in bed.
I used to have an issue with delayed ejaculation, which was triggered by being extremely nervous about intimacy. I started working through this towards the end of my alcoholism but completely got over it when I quit drinking entirely.
Learning how to quit drinking has made me realize all of the means I used to beat myself up in the past. Almost constant alcohol consumption, excessive training, conditional and dangerous dieting, purging meals, not being able to relax, etc. I am a lot more in touch with myself across all areas of my life.
Feel Great About Myself
I do pilates for physical exercise, and I try to eat food items that are genuinely good for me and make me feel great about myself.
That lifestyle change translates into my sexual activity too. I am much more in touch with what I want out of sex and don't just do what the other person likes me to do. For instance, I have not had penetrative intercourse for nearly five years, because I just haven't wanted to.
When I want to, I will, wherein the old days, I would have just done this because I would have felt like I had to.", Kirst
When you quit drinking, you stop comparing and linking sex with your self-respect.
"Ever since getting sober and then working on strengthening my sense of self and being happy with who I am. Sex is not so directly aligned with my self-confidence. Just as I can take or leave booze, I take sex as it comes too.
I used to fret if it had not developed in a relationship for some time, but now I value it more. And being sober, I'm more connected in every little thing I do sexually", Matt.
You have fewer heartaches the morning after
" I do not lament my sexual activity as much, because now I think before doing it. When I used to drink, I would have intimate encounters with people that I did not intend to, or in ways that I did not intend to. Then I would experience a profound sense of shame later, normally the following day.
Now, I actually take the time to think about it before having an intimate encounter, and because of that thought process, I usually don't have the same moment the next day of, 'what just happened?'
There are a lot of times now where I don't make love with someone, and I recognize that if I 'd been drunk, I most definitely would have, and would have felt lousy about it later.", Kirst.
When you quit drinking the sensations of sober sex can be intense, particularly in the beginning.
"Sex transformed for me in many ways when I got clean. For one, it transformed into a more powerful experience.
I am in a far better place with myself, and my physical body and feelings are enhanced. This enables me to feel things in a more powerful way, emotionally, bodily, spiritually and this includes sexual activity.", Kelly
You begin to address sexual relationships like an adult.
" I'm at last a grown female having grown-up intimacy. That is, I can now allow myself to have various sexual cravings.
I am free to express these desires, to enjoy, to be serious, to be disappointed, to be thrilled. All of it without having to believe that I'm 18 and have to down a six-pack of beer. Or middle-aged and gulp a bottle of plonk to have sex.
All that alcohol consumption was a cover for fear of allowing myself to feel my own feelings.
Sober, I know I can make it through being rejected by women and make the first move!", Neville.
You regain some of the self-esteem you may believe that you lost in your drinking times.
"My sex life significantly changed when I got sober. As a binge user of alcohol, I frequently made love with guys who didn't respect me. I frequently slept with my male pals, aka drinking pals. Always persuaded myself that those 1 AM messages were a prelude to real romance and love. I seldom had sex sober, even when in a romantic relationship.
Now that I'm booze-free, I've gained some much-needed self-esteem and no longer engage in those practices.", Lara.
When you quit drinking a lot of things in your life get better. Sex is just the tip of the iceberg.
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